Tuesday, November 24, 2009

unemployment and some other random thoughts.

Unemployment wasn't what Addy that it was going to be... It was the pits. Yes she had time on her hands that she should be using to write, create, something... but the pantry was pretty light and the landlord was only going to be so forgiving. The printer sat quietly on the desk as if simply asking her to sit , plug in and print something. Was it that simple, she needed something to inspire her. In between jobs she really wanted to get something on paper, something that could be produced. Theater seats could be filled if that works was good.
The gray keys of the laptop called to her to grace their keys, to write, to create. This wasn't truly unemployment mostly it was her sub conscience blocking her, holding her back from her calling, her passion.


Each day a new day for some reason Addy held on to some pieces of the recent past. Relationships outside the boundaries of time; the relationship they built not so long ago that crumbled so quickly taking more than just her heart with it. Since then Addy built new walls around her heart to protect it while trapping her inspiration in those walls, her writing suffered.. Keeping herself protected from heartbreak simply meant she wasn't living. She existed but to what end? A change of scenery was in order. Something to refresh her vision. Theater and writing held more than sappy emotions to her , they were the center of her world, she needed to find a new path to that center.

“Lets move to center work. I'd like to try something different today.” Miss Tayna wasn't know for changing things up at all. Addy and the other girls looked at each other wondering what it meant?
“ This combination will start center in open 4th position....” she began demonstrating the combination to the group as she finished and posed the girls faces showed the surprise and the excitement with the new combination and style. “The music is an original piece that my cousin sent me last week, it inspired me to step outside of our classical ballet box, and yes I want this on full pointe when appropriate. Lets do this in groups of 3, Adrianna , Bree, and Julie up first, and 5,6,7,8.” the music filled the studio and the movements carried the three ballerinas to a new level. The new energy Addy felt at the end of the number was so invigorating that she wanted more, more ballet, more music, more whatever she could get her hands on.


Thomas Andrew Williams stood casually at the phone wall waiting his turn. This phone call weighed heavy on his heart. Addy consumed his every thought, would she wait for him, would she see him differently, would this be their chance? 3 months ago they left things so unfinished. She still had another year of school to finish and he heading to boot camp then on to training, their final words to each other stung his heart. Could he take his anger back, would she even answer the phone?

“Williams, WILLIAMS, you're up... don't waste our time if you ain't gonna call anyone....” the harsh ugly voice of Anderson snapped Thomas back to reality.

“Sorry dude, I'm calling her....”
“ Oh, I see... “ Anderson cracked half a smile as he chuckled walking away...
5 0 3 5 8 5 1 2 3 6, Thomas slowed dialed the numbers pushing each one with a heavy aching while building up a wall that would soon come crashing down.
The ringing on the other end lulled Thomas into a security , 'perhaps she wasn't even home'

“Hello?” Addy's voice was ( ), not recognizing the caller =id number she was cautious.

“Addy?” Addy stopped in her tracks, 'it couldn't be?'

“Thom? Is that you?”
“yes, sweetheart.. is is ok that I called you?”
“I guess so....” her heart skipped a beat, not sure what to say or how ...to respond....

“I don't have long, but wanted to talk to you... I miss you.” he really missed her, he should be calling his mom or sister but he is calling his ex-girlfriend.... The one phone call he gets this week and he is calling his ex-girlfriend.

“You do? But I thought we had left it , well you know...” she missed him too, not sure what she wanted to let on, or even admit to.

“I wanted to say, I'm sorry for what we said. I shouldn't have left things that way, it was cruel and hurtful.” his voice carried a sense of sincerity that melted Addy's heart.

' darn him.... why now, why did he have to call tonight, why.....' Addy struggled with her composure.
"I'm not sure what I am suppose to say. Seriously, I am suppose to fall over and forget it all happened? " She was letting her guard down, opening up and getting angry.
"OK, I'm with you... I just trying to clear the air." that didn't sound like he planned. He wanted her back, he didn't want to walk away, he wanted the proposal to be and for her to say yes, not the lets take it slow mentality they had previously had. "No, I didn't want to clear the air, damn it Adrianna, I Love you, it is that simple, I want you in my life, I don't want to let us go." There he said it.. nothing like dropping a bombshell from 1200 miles away... Not exactly the reconciliation he had dreamed of.
"What?" she had to catch her breath. " I can't do this right now, Thom I have an audition coming up. I have to stay focused this role will get me out of here. This is the roll I 've dreamed of. I only have a term left on campus then I'm free to move , free to travel." Addy put up her wall, high and with reinforcements. 'this isn't happening, not now... damn him... why did he have to change his mind, why couldn't he have kept it to himself. '
"Come on Addy, don't do this... I won't be home for another 2 months, you won't be done with school yet, we can see what happens." the shaking in his voice said more than his words.
He really meant it...
"When will you be home?" Addy decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.
"Week before Easter, Mom wants be to attend Easter Mass, but other than that I am leaving it wide open, hoping we can at least see each other and talk in person."
"Ok, my senior project will be closing that week so it should be fine. I'm not making any.

No comments: